Self Love ? Yeah right, who the hell has time or money for that?

What exactly is self-love? We all know everyone says self-love is an important part of a person's life. Some people focus on manicures and pedicures or their outer apperances. While others have massages and go on dietsin attempts to heal themselves from within. Some try spirituality or even shopping are their acts of self-love. If you are like me, I honestly either don't have the time or I can't afford these items. I am a 55-year-old disabled mother of 8. Most of our children are grown now and out on their own. I did choose to stay home and raise our kids while my husband worked multiple jobs to provide for us. I made most of our meals from scratch and found lots of ways to make a penny scream. It was my job to make sure everyone's needs were met. I really thought I did a good job. I did except, I forgot one person. It has taken me all these years to realize how important it is to love myself like I love those around me. I know right? It seems like a simple thing. Let me show you how easily you can incorporate a few self-love routines into your day. The reason self-love is so important is that nobody can love as you can. Your happiness is your responsibility am I correct? The people around you are not responsible for your happiness you are. Read that again. You are responsible for your own happiness. Do you know how you do it?? Do you know how to truly love yourself? It's okay, I'm going to help you. Today, let's just take a moment and think about you. I want you to grab a piece of paper and write your name in CAPS on the top of the page. Then down the left side, I want you to list all the roles you fill. Mother, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Friend, Teacher, Spiritualist, Aunt make sure to list every single thing you can think of. There are so many roles and hats you fill it really is crazy when you see them all written down. Now, on the right side of the paper, I want you to list all the things that make up your uniqueness. Examples are... stubborn, strong-willed, strong, unshakeable faith, nature lover, have a oneness or way with animals. Think deep and all the things that make you ... use your name..... you. There really is no other human being in this world exactly like you. Even if you are an identical twin our innate characteristics set you apart. Now flip the page over and I want you to write a quick note urself. Imagine you were actually writing this note to a dear loved one who has just had a really bad day and needs some encouragement and love from you. Start the letter off with Dear and then your name and date it and sign it also. When you are done I want you to take a deep calming breath and then read it out loud to yourself. When you are finished I want you to look back on the other side of the page. Do you see all the roles you fill every single day? It is a lot, isn't it? Do you see all the gifts in the next column that were given to you to accomplish this life with? Beautiful isn't it? Now, appreciate this beautiful human being for what you are. UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL just as you are. Self-love is as easy as that. Learning to love yourself. It is doesn't have to cost a penny. It is free!! All you have to do is put forth the effort to love yourself like you love those around you.

NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO THERE YOU ARE!

Did you read the title? Read it one more time. What on earth does that mean? I've said this for years. It's from an old 80s movie Buckaroo Bonzai. It is a phrase that is said often, but most people don't grasp the concept. No matter where you go there you are? Of course, where else would you be? In life, there are always times we want to escape anywhere but here. We have just had enough of daily life and wish we could hop in our car, roll the windows down and turn the radio up on full blast. Let the wind blow through your hair and be free. Am I right? This past year with Covid has made me want to go on a long road trip. No destination at all to feel free and travel anywhere but here would be amazing. We can load up our car and pack our bags and arrive safely at our destination. Guess what... there you are. Right? You are right there correct?? But you wanted to escape right? The thing is you can't escape yourself. You can never leave yourself or your experiences or emotions. It doesn't matter how far you go or try to run away from yourself. You will always be right there. If you leave home scared, upset, depressed, and anxious when you arrive at your beautiful destination, the feelings will still be there. Yes, you will be in a different place, however there you are. It is a profound concept. It isn't always about needing a change of scenery or a different place to exist. Sometimes it's as simple as dealing with those feelings head-on. Feel them at the moment and in the place you are. The one thing in life you can never run away from is yourself. Your true self is always right there. Embrace that soul and be you always. I believe in you.

How Do you Proceed?

I want you to close your eyes and picture a path in your mind. You need to go down this path and have an important task to take care of at the end of it. You have been following it for a while now and all of a sudden you see it heading into the dark woods. Hmmm. How do you proceed down this path? Do you 1.) Say um no way am I going in those dark ass woods. So, you turn around quickly and go back the way you came. Maybe you can try again another time or just find another way. 2.) Do you run ahead as fast as you can with your eyes almost squinting closed, fists and jaws clenched? Praying the entire way you're not eaten by a monster or the darkness? 3.) Do you stop and open your backpack and look for a flashlight? Then grasp hold of it, take a deep breath and continue to walk ahead?? Me?? I'm a run through clenching my jaws and doing it no matter what kind of person. It could be a fire I have to walk through but if I said I would or if in my mind I feel it needs to be done no matter what. Yep, I'll face my fears and do it. There is no right or wrong way to face the darkness in our real lives. How we face the darkness in our lives is as different as we are. It is a necessary part of life though. Without the dark how can we appreciate the light? Let's look at why we do what we do and how we could change our perspective and behavior towards darkness. Do you know why I run through with clenched jaws? Honestly speaking, I'm a 55-year old woman who is still terrified of the dark. YES!! Really. To my inner child monsters did exist in the dark and they did hurt me. That is why I fear the dark now as an adult. It is a real rational fear. Also, the reason I would run through the woods no matter what is... yep you guessed it a trauma response. I'm overly independent. I've always had to be. I learned early on not to depend on people and did things myself: guess what? They can't hurt me or disappoint me that way. I'm in charge of my destiny. So if you chose same as me. Number 2 then examine why for yourself? Also, realize we could have chosen to stop and access the situation but that isn't who we are. We are the ones who run toward the dark and deal with it later without any thought to our self-preservation. Some people choose to just turn around and act like the darkness just isn't there or doesn't exist. This could work for a while. I did this for 40 plus years. Guess what? The darkness is still there and gets super thick and strong. It becomes harder to deny its existence. Eventually, it can overtake you per se and, you are left with no choice but to acknowledge its existence and deal with it. Then there are the number 3 people. I call these our scouts. They are always prepared for any situation. You know the people with a first aid kit in their glove compartment. A blanket, water jug, and snacks in the trunk too. "Just in CAse". They see the darkness and say, " Yes, I knew I"d need that flashlight! So glad I brought it!" They grab it and go forth to complete the task at hand. They feel well prepared and the darkness is just a chance to let their light shine!!! Ok, Do you see where I'm going with this?? I know right?? Crazy! So...how you confront the darkness says a lot about you. How do you want to go forth when you confront the darkness in your life? What can you do to help yourself feel more prepared? I am so glad you asked. Keep coming back here and I'm going to help show you. We are going to heal together and find those damn backpacks first to put our lights in. We are all able to heal and shine our lights in the darkness. We just have to believe we can do it and want to do it for ourselves. Nobody else can walk through our darkness for us. We must confront it ourselves and in our time. I know we can do this. Keep believing in yourself even when it gets tough. Over the next few blogs let's work on brightening your lights a little bit more too. Mama Cole loves you ... until next time... Take a deep breath and know that you are enough!!

 Is beauty really in the eye of the beholder?  Why can't most of us see the beauty within ourselves? How does it make you feel when someone tells you your beautiful?  I've been thinking about this a lot recently as I have been talking to some of my sweet and amazing friends via social networking.  I also must ask you how many times have you stood in front of the mirror and instead of seeing all the amazing things of beauty within yourself you see all the faults?

  What is your idea of beauty?  If it is in the eye of the beholder as we all say then we are the ones who behold beauty.  What do you think is beautiful?  To me it is a person who is authentic, humble and kind.  That is pretty simple right?  One other thing.  I feel each and every one of us as human beings need to see and value our own beauty and worth.  They say we are made in God's image right? If you believe in God, a supreme being or deity then I would think this is something or someone who is beautiful to you correct?  So if when you look in the mirror and you say , "Dang, I look horrible today!"  Do you realize what you really are doing?  You are saying that this glorious masterpiece that a higher power/God has created in their image looks horrible?  God looks horrible!  WOW!!  You never thought of it that way right?  Me either.  I was taught this by a ten year old little girl who I've never met and lives way out in Oklahoma of all places.  

   Now , I want you to think of how you feel when someone calls you beautiful.  Or tells you that you look amazing or gorgeous.  Do you say thank you so much that really makes me feel great and think about that wonderful complement?  OR.....Do you make excuses and say.. well I've gained a few pounds, didn't have time to do my make up right, still need to color my hair and I've had this dress for years?  Which one do you do?  If you are like 99.9% of us you didn't even really hear and acknowledge the complement at all you made excuses and actually belittled yourself.  WHY?  Why do we do this to ourselves?  

     I would like to ask you another question.  Do you ever tell people they are beautiful?  Do you go out of your way to lift up and encourage your children, spouse, friend, or other family members by telling them how beautiful they are to you?  Why not?  In order for all of us to see the beauty in ourselves we have to also help other to see their own beauty also.  Am I correct in this?  

     Now, that is not all there is to it.  What is beauty now?  Is it that brand new 130$ dress that looks amazing but is just out of reach?  Is it that 200$ make up kit that will solve all your beauty needs?  Is it the 5,000$ wedding set that you just have to have because it is bigger than your sisters?    No beauty truely does come from within like I said before. So, please go out today and tell someone they are beautiful.  The next time you look in the mirror look at all the beautiful and miraculous things your body has done over the years.  Start from your feet up.  Those amazing feet have learned to walk, jump, hop, skip, run and leap .  They have learned to ride a bike, skip a rope and may have walked down the aisle for graduation, wedding, and so many other occasions.  Your feet in themselves are amazing.  DO this with your entire body.  Don't look at how big, flabby, stretched out, wrinkly or whatever it is.  Look at all its beauty.  

    Thanks so much for reading my ramblings.  I encourage all of you to go be beautiful and make this world a beautiful place!

   In this video a teen did a project to show how people react when being told their beautiful.  I loved it.  There is another one that really touched my heart but I can't find it.  It was on FB and was a video of women from all over the world.  It showed a before pic and then an after they were told they were beautiful.  It is so amazing they all have huge smiles on their faces.  If any of my readers come across the video please post in comments so others can see it.

      Wishing you all love, peace and beauty.  Please remember to always be humble and kind!

Mama Cole 

Social Media and ME!

Albuquerque Sunrise
by: Richard Estrada

      I absolutely love Face Book and social media.  I love that I can communicate with lost family and friends all over the world.  I can now even call them and have a video chat.  Now, that is some major Star Trek stuff isn't it?  There are some things however that yes, I am so very thankful for but I also wish social media could fix.  Simple things like hunger, cancer, mental illness, domestic violence, and a million other things honestly.
      I have friends that I have made honestly all over the world.  Friends that uplift and inspire me so much.  I have a friend and her family who sell Scentsy and lived in Ireland.  So super cool huh?  Absolutely , lovely family and they have followed their dreams , traveled all over the world the last 3 years or so and have now moved to Spain.  SPAIN!!  How cool is that?  So, now via their family I get to learn and experience Spain.  Oh, then I have a wonderful friend who's family have chosen and yes CHOSEN to be nomads for a year.  Yes, they are traveling the world and house sitting in some spots, exploring and staying in hostels.  They are as a family of four checking things off their bucket lists and diving into the culture of each place they visit.  So far they've been to England, Scotland, Sri Lanka and Thailand.  I love reading their blog and experiencing life with them.  Let me see , who else?  Oh a totally fun and silly rocking lady in New Zealand who is a female truck driver!!  She hauls loads of rock and dirt all day and does inspirational and motivational videos from the cab of her truck.  Oh and she is also a Scentsy Sister.
     Then there are the friends who honestly some I have no clue how we became friends.  Either me liking a page or talking to them on a page somewhere and we become friends.  I have some of these people who I met when a young woman was badly beaten and thrown from a car and left to die in the hot Florida sun for two days.  We all came together to try to help ID this woman.  The friends I met from that experience and also the young woman who did regain her life and name are some of the most precious friends I have.  I have friends I've met who walk the same painful walk with me and my chronic illnesses and pain also.  Then, there are friends who I love and support while crying in my pillow as they are in the fight of their or a loved ones life.  So, many people I know who are fighting cancer.  One absolutely beauituful and amazing friend won her battle against breast cancer while supporting her young son during his battle with cancer also.  This poor little man is still fighting and his Mama is so strong and brave and stoic.  I have no clue how she holds it all together but she does.  I also have friends who are care takers.  Day in and day out they take care of their loved ones thru the good the bad and the ugly.  They are so tired and worn out at the end of the day.  I know this life well and do my best to let them know how loved and cherished they are even if those they take care of aren't quiet able to voice their feelings.  I have friends who I have watched for years suffer in pain and not really knowing for sure if my strange feelings were correct.  Then finding out this friend and her sweet boys are held up in a hotel because she finally found the courage to leave her abusive husband.  I've watched her face battle after battle and stand and fight couragously with her four boys by her side.  When she felt so lost and alone but still chose to do the best for her sons.  She is also one of my dearest friends.
      Then I have the sweet friends who I know are always there for me if I just reach out.  Lately , I've been so ill and depressed all I do is read the social pages and respond here and there.  Then there are times I see so much hurt and suffering of my friends and loved ones that I have to help or say something.  Times I lay awake at night praying for the Lord to please be with them, to please answer our prayers of healing.  I've seen so many of my friends lose their parents, children and loved ones.  My heart truely hurts for them.
     In the end I really don't know why the Lord puts all these people in our lives.  I do wish that we could solve all of the hurt and pain in the world on social media.  I wish we could raise money for all those who are hungry in our world by sharing a post or liking a post.  I also wish we could stop all the hatred and violence in the world just by sharing happy, fun, and beautiful pictures of the world we live in.  I am thankful that I can now video chat with loved ones and look forward to the day this technology will help doctors provide care to third world countries.  I guess honestly for this new year of  2017  that our world and everyone in it will find peace within their own hearts.  For I feel if we are truely peaceful within our hearts  we can not also have hatred .  I pray this coming year cures for cancer , ms, lyme disease, and als will be found.  Along with Cystic Fibrosis so my little warriors wont have to fight for their lives anymore.
 This was a very rambling post and I apologize just needed to pour my heart out somewhere.  I don't know why we have so much hurt in the world or why there are times I feel so overwhelmed by it but tonight is one of them.

Behind Closed Doors!

      I have a question for you today.  Who are you behind closed doors?  Are you the same person that you portray in public?  Do you find yourself sharing a different person on social media and wish you could share what you really feel in your heart?  I totally know this feeling.  I always portray that life is great and happy .  When inside I have so many fears, anxiety and feelings of depression.  

      As a mother I feel as if I am not fulfilling my role the way I should.  That I am lacking in understanding and compassion.  As a mother of teens this is not an easy life.  As they are trying to find their own way in this world it is as though I am the enemy.  There are yelling matches, eye rolls and lots of air huffed out.  There are times I just wish we could step back to when I was their hero and could do no wrong.  

      As a wife there are times I feel so under appreciated.  It takes all I have physically to do the daily tasks.  With all of my chronic pain and health issues I can't do the simple things I used to be able to.  I feel guilty and less of a wife just because I can't scrub the bathroom or fold the laundry.

    As a business woman I feel like I am lacking also.  I am not where I feel I should be.  I haven't earned the fancy incentive trips like everyone else.  I don't have the sales I think I should have.

  Why am I sharing all this with you?  Because, it is completely normal for us to hide behind closed doors and cry and feel inadequate.  I want all of you to know this is not what the Lord wants for you.  He wants you to see yourself as he sees you.  The feeling of inadequacy does not come from him.  He wants you to rejoice in his light and share it with the world.  

     I want to challenge you to share these deep dark feelings.  Get them out.  Sometimes writing them down in a journal and purging them is an amazing help.  Then when you are done I want you to go back and rewrite these feelings into a positive light.  For example:  I wish I was a better Mother to my children, I would then write " I am doing the best I can with what I have."

  In the end I just want everyone to know that you are good enough.  No matter what your heart or your mind tells you.  Please don't ever let anyone or anything make you feel inferior.  You are a one of a kind.  There is absolutely no one in this world like you.  You were born at this time and in this place to live the life you have as only you can.  

    Thats what has been in my heart.  I will also do my best to not hide behind closed doors.
Till next time,

Cheryl

Blessings!

   There will be times in our life that we seem to face huge mountains.  We feel like there is no way we will ever make it through.  At these exact moments our Heavenly Father is putting people and experiences in our path to help us.  Or, for us to help and encourage others.  We are to learn from our trials and tribulations.  Sometimes the lesson is very obvious and sometimes it takes us a long time before we can look back and see what the lesson was.  As I reflect back on my experience over the last 6 months, I have gained and learned sooo much.  I learned that in the face of struggles I sometimes lack faith.  But my family never does.  I feel guilty for being ill and placing burdens on my kids.  My kids however rise to the occasion to serve me .  I sometimes felt so lost and afraid.  I learned if I just let my heart be still and have faith, the Lord will never forsake  me.

    The reason I am sharing this with you is simple.  When the going gets tough you need to dig deeper and know that the Lord will never leave you or give you more than you can handle.  IF it seems like he has given you more than you can handle then it is time for you to be humbled.  Be humbled and share your trials and struggles with your family and friends.  They can handle it.  They can handle so much more than you can imagine.  There are lessons to be learned in all trials.

      Please watch this special video of Blessings by Laura Story.  It speaks right to my heart.  Please now that you are not alone in your struggles.  I am here for every single one of my friends, family and strangers if you need me.  I have big fluffy shoulders and am so thankful for all of my Blessings.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc