Self Love ? Yeah right, who the hell has time or money for that?

What exactly is self-love? We all know everyone says self-love is an important part of a person's life. Some people focus on manicures and pedicures or their outer apperances. While others have massages and go on dietsin attempts to heal themselves from within. Some try spirituality or even shopping are their acts of self-love. If you are like me, I honestly either don't have the time or I can't afford these items. I am a 55-year-old disabled mother of 8. Most of our children are grown now and out on their own. I did choose to stay home and raise our kids while my husband worked multiple jobs to provide for us. I made most of our meals from scratch and found lots of ways to make a penny scream. It was my job to make sure everyone's needs were met. I really thought I did a good job. I did except, I forgot one person. It has taken me all these years to realize how important it is to love myself like I love those around me. I know right? It seems like a simple thing. Let me show you how easily you can incorporate a few self-love routines into your day. The reason self-love is so important is that nobody can love as you can. Your happiness is your responsibility am I correct? The people around you are not responsible for your happiness you are. Read that again. You are responsible for your own happiness. Do you know how you do it?? Do you know how to truly love yourself? It's okay, I'm going to help you. Today, let's just take a moment and think about you. I want you to grab a piece of paper and write your name in CAPS on the top of the page. Then down the left side, I want you to list all the roles you fill. Mother, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Friend, Teacher, Spiritualist, Aunt make sure to list every single thing you can think of. There are so many roles and hats you fill it really is crazy when you see them all written down. Now, on the right side of the paper, I want you to list all the things that make up your uniqueness. Examples are... stubborn, strong-willed, strong, unshakeable faith, nature lover, have a oneness or way with animals. Think deep and all the things that make you ... use your name..... you. There really is no other human being in this world exactly like you. Even if you are an identical twin our innate characteristics set you apart. Now flip the page over and I want you to write a quick note urself. Imagine you were actually writing this note to a dear loved one who has just had a really bad day and needs some encouragement and love from you. Start the letter off with Dear and then your name and date it and sign it also. When you are done I want you to take a deep calming breath and then read it out loud to yourself. When you are finished I want you to look back on the other side of the page. Do you see all the roles you fill every single day? It is a lot, isn't it? Do you see all the gifts in the next column that were given to you to accomplish this life with? Beautiful isn't it? Now, appreciate this beautiful human being for what you are. UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL just as you are. Self-love is as easy as that. Learning to love yourself. It is doesn't have to cost a penny. It is free!! All you have to do is put forth the effort to love yourself like you love those around you.

NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO THERE YOU ARE!

Did you read the title? Read it one more time. What on earth does that mean? I've said this for years. It's from an old 80s movie Buckaroo Bonzai. It is a phrase that is said often, but most people don't grasp the concept. No matter where you go there you are? Of course, where else would you be? In life, there are always times we want to escape anywhere but here. We have just had enough of daily life and wish we could hop in our car, roll the windows down and turn the radio up on full blast. Let the wind blow through your hair and be free. Am I right? This past year with Covid has made me want to go on a long road trip. No destination at all to feel free and travel anywhere but here would be amazing. We can load up our car and pack our bags and arrive safely at our destination. Guess what... there you are. Right? You are right there correct?? But you wanted to escape right? The thing is you can't escape yourself. You can never leave yourself or your experiences or emotions. It doesn't matter how far you go or try to run away from yourself. You will always be right there. If you leave home scared, upset, depressed, and anxious when you arrive at your beautiful destination, the feelings will still be there. Yes, you will be in a different place, however there you are. It is a profound concept. It isn't always about needing a change of scenery or a different place to exist. Sometimes it's as simple as dealing with those feelings head-on. Feel them at the moment and in the place you are. The one thing in life you can never run away from is yourself. Your true self is always right there. Embrace that soul and be you always. I believe in you.

How Do you Proceed?

I want you to close your eyes and picture a path in your mind. You need to go down this path and have an important task to take care of at the end of it. You have been following it for a while now and all of a sudden you see it heading into the dark woods. Hmmm. How do you proceed down this path? Do you 1.) Say um no way am I going in those dark ass woods. So, you turn around quickly and go back the way you came. Maybe you can try again another time or just find another way. 2.) Do you run ahead as fast as you can with your eyes almost squinting closed, fists and jaws clenched? Praying the entire way you're not eaten by a monster or the darkness? 3.) Do you stop and open your backpack and look for a flashlight? Then grasp hold of it, take a deep breath and continue to walk ahead?? Me?? I'm a run through clenching my jaws and doing it no matter what kind of person. It could be a fire I have to walk through but if I said I would or if in my mind I feel it needs to be done no matter what. Yep, I'll face my fears and do it. There is no right or wrong way to face the darkness in our real lives. How we face the darkness in our lives is as different as we are. It is a necessary part of life though. Without the dark how can we appreciate the light? Let's look at why we do what we do and how we could change our perspective and behavior towards darkness. Do you know why I run through with clenched jaws? Honestly speaking, I'm a 55-year old woman who is still terrified of the dark. YES!! Really. To my inner child monsters did exist in the dark and they did hurt me. That is why I fear the dark now as an adult. It is a real rational fear. Also, the reason I would run through the woods no matter what is... yep you guessed it a trauma response. I'm overly independent. I've always had to be. I learned early on not to depend on people and did things myself: guess what? They can't hurt me or disappoint me that way. I'm in charge of my destiny. So if you chose same as me. Number 2 then examine why for yourself? Also, realize we could have chosen to stop and access the situation but that isn't who we are. We are the ones who run toward the dark and deal with it later without any thought to our self-preservation. Some people choose to just turn around and act like the darkness just isn't there or doesn't exist. This could work for a while. I did this for 40 plus years. Guess what? The darkness is still there and gets super thick and strong. It becomes harder to deny its existence. Eventually, it can overtake you per se and, you are left with no choice but to acknowledge its existence and deal with it. Then there are the number 3 people. I call these our scouts. They are always prepared for any situation. You know the people with a first aid kit in their glove compartment. A blanket, water jug, and snacks in the trunk too. "Just in CAse". They see the darkness and say, " Yes, I knew I"d need that flashlight! So glad I brought it!" They grab it and go forth to complete the task at hand. They feel well prepared and the darkness is just a chance to let their light shine!!! Ok, Do you see where I'm going with this?? I know right?? Crazy! So...how you confront the darkness says a lot about you. How do you want to go forth when you confront the darkness in your life? What can you do to help yourself feel more prepared? I am so glad you asked. Keep coming back here and I'm going to help show you. We are going to heal together and find those damn backpacks first to put our lights in. We are all able to heal and shine our lights in the darkness. We just have to believe we can do it and want to do it for ourselves. Nobody else can walk through our darkness for us. We must confront it ourselves and in our time. I know we can do this. Keep believing in yourself even when it gets tough. Over the next few blogs let's work on brightening your lights a little bit more too. Mama Cole loves you ... until next time... Take a deep breath and know that you are enough!!