Sunday, May 26, 2013

That's What Soldiers Do

   It is amazing to me the dedication and selflessness our American military and their families have. It takes a unique individual to serve this great country.  As I sat in our church service this morning I was so overwhelmed with emotion.  There where speakers who had family members in WWII, Korea, Civil War,  Vietnam, Iraq, Desert Storm, Panama's Just Cause and Afghanistan.  In our small congregation there where family members who had been POW's and marched in the Bataan Death March. There where men who where drafted in WWII and Vietnam and men who went freely. None spent the day boasting or wanting glory. Instead it was a service of thanks to those who paid the ultimate price. When asked for all Veterans to stand these men looked around stood up but felt like theirs was not a service of notoriety.  They where just doing what they should do.
    I have known so many great and honorable men and women who serve and never do they complain or say they wished they hadn't.  They usually tell you stories of their friends who "Didn't quiet make it back home".  They keep the memories alive of those who paid the ultimate price.
    Love is the reason for their service.  Love of their country , love of their family, love of honor and self less love. Some join because it is a family tradition. Some join as a result of something happening in America or the world. Like September 11th.  The rush of people to join after that was amazing. Some join for a better future and education.  Some join the National Guard to be able to serve their country and stay at home.  Well we have seen this is not true anymore.  Guardsmen are now deployed overseas also.
  What ever the reason that is just what soldiers do!  I am so thankful for their families and their dedication and sacrifice. I think of stories like Mrs. Sullivan who lost 5 of her sons to war and I can't imagine the loss she must of felt. So many in our history have paid the ultimate price so that we may be free.  Free to speak against what we don't believe in. Free to worship how and where we want to.  Free to pursue our dreams of love, life and liberty how ever we see fit. I love this country that I live in.  I am proud to be an American citizen.  I am so thankful for those who did pay the ultimate price. I am thankful for those who have served, are serving or will serve.
     I take time out of my day if I see a military person to thank them for what they do.  In our world it is not easy to serve.  Our enemy is not as clear cut as he used to be.  He doesn't fight war fair.  There are not clear battle fronts like in wars past.  Still there are men and women signing up every day to keep us free. To them I say THANKS and WE LOVE YOU!!

Monday, May 20, 2013

To HomeSchool or Not???

 
 I spent so many sleepless nights trying to figure out what was best for my kids.  I wanted to home school them since they where in Kindergarten.  However, having 2 boys that where only 18 months apart and very spirited children kind of made me tell myself no!  You see I doubted myself.    I thought I couldn't do it.  I wasn't smart enough, I didn't know how.  Well when my youngest was in 3rd and his brother in 4th I started to think a little differently.  There Sister was a freshman and doing great in school so she was good.  The boys well it was different. One had some issues with bullies, was having issues with reading and honestly felt he was an undiagnosed dyslexic.  The older son was very bright and very bored in classes.  You see almost every morning they had a headache or stomach and I would have to almost drag them to school.  It was getting harder and harder for me to support them going to a place where they learned very little and where ridiculed and belittled by peers, teachers and sometimes even a principal.
    I finally talked to my husband and pulled one son out of school mid year.  I refused to let him be a victim of bullies and also wanted to help him with his reading.  He was diagnosed as having a decoding error form of dyslexia and also aspergers and some anxiety issues.  So that was why all the meds he had been on didn't work.  This is why he didn't want to go to school to deal with all the kids.
    I enrolled him in an online school which I found out was free and supplied everything we needed. We sat down together for a few hours each day and learned some amazing things. We had fun and loved it.  There where projects and games and videos.  It was wonderful. Then the tests came and he had alot of difficulties.  I wasnt allowed to read the questions to him and help him understand what they where asking.  Then the pace got quicker and it just didn't work well.
So we switched to book work the next year. His brother joined him and we did fairly well.
  You know what they say about siblings right? Well whats good for the goose?  Seems my 10th grader wasn't learning much either and wasn't feeling challenged. She was also so tired of the drugs, alcohol and immorral issues in her school. She asked me if she could homeschool. I was shocked. She was the head cheerleader captain and was very involved in school and had a ton of friends.
I did what any mother would do. FREAK OUT!!
   Ok, how am I going to handle three kids home everyday and be in charge of their education?  Well , I did it!  She took online classes, supplemented some with classes from our local homeschool coop and also took dance and taught dance classes.  She dove into what she wanted to learn and did amazing!  She graduated high school with a 3.8 gpa and never looked back.
   What I didn't tell you was that I was also fostering kids at the same time.  My foster children went to traditional school while my bio kids stayed home schooled.  It was a tough crazy few years but we did it.
   Now fast forward 4 years and we are still at it. We have traded online school for traditional homeschool and coop classes.  We just discovered unit studies this year and have been learning alot of agriculture and earth sciences. We live in Florida now and also added 3 kids by adoption to our family. I have taught my kids to seek out info in the world around them.  To look at life and ask why?  They have learned how to grow their own food this year.  We are also canning our food and then what is left over they will take to the farmers market also!  The money they make will go for mission funds and college plus some put back for supplies for the next growing season.
    My kids are learning so much.  How to work together as a team. (Not easy with 3 teens)  How to take care of plants in the hot Florida sun.  What the meaning of hard work is.  However, they are also learning that you can enjoy the fruits of your labor. (Watermelon, cantaloupe)  Best lesson is that their are rewards for hard work too!  A nice swim in the pond after hand plowing an acre garden is amazing!
I also wanted to mention our "garden"  is actually a farm we are buying.  We are planting about 4 acres and it is all new to us.  You see we are kind of city bumpkins trying to learn it all.  We moved back south from up North so alot of this is all new to us.  Oh and the pond?  It took work too.  It had 4 snapping turtles in it that had to be shot before they could swim.  Tried catching them to no avail.  
So there is a lesson to all this. As a Mother you may doubt yourself and feel you aren't capable of teaching your kids.  Honestly, if you as a Mom don't know what is best for your children then who in the world does?  Home schooling isn't as hard as you may think.  There are so many resources and curriculum's out there to help you.  Check your community also for other homeschoolers and a co-op.  Have some faith in yourself and I tell you it will be the best decision you  can ever make for your kids and your family.  You will be teaching them so much more than they could ever learn in a school room!
 

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

This Is Not Goodbye




     Raising kids is not an easy task. The years of sleepless nights and the days full of chaos, cleaning, cooking and nursing them back to health.  It is a lot of work to raise kids.  This doesn't even include the hours of worry and stress.  The feeling that you could of done it better or should of done something different.  I am learning as my daughter has left on her mission, that I did the very best I could.  After all she is serving the Lord and chose to do so herself at 19 years old. She left her dance career and a boy who she totally thinks the world of all behind to follow the Lord and serve others.  So, I guess I must of done something right.
   She has been gone for about 3 weeks now and it is still tough.  I miss her like crazy.  I pray often for strength.  The nights are the hardest. I have a house full of teens still but the night time was always ours.  So I find myself facebooking , trying to do my Scentsy business, and writing to her.  Still I sit with tears streaming down my face.  Then I think, am I too weak? Why is this so hard ?  I have gotten great letters and emails from her.  She is so happy and proud and touching so many peoples lives.  She is teaching a man with terminal cancer now.  I know she is an answer to his prayers. Also, a family from a foreign country with 2 small children.  She is helping them be a forever family like us.
   Last night I was listening to her Spotify playlist and found this song from her.  She had the list labeled "For You MOM". Oh my gosh I cried like a big baby and am still crying as I write this.  "This is not goodbye its just I love you to take with you until your home again."  Such wisdom in those words.  Such comfort and joy.  I know that we are an eternal family and I have her forever.  It is never goodbye.  It is now my job as a mother of a missionary to support her and let her go so that others will have their families forever too.
     I know there will still be long nights and tears will still flow.  I am learning how to let go and let God as a friend of mine says.  I am human and a mother.  Do we ever have to fully let go?  I just have to loosen her ribbons a bit until she is home again.
     I would love to hear from other Mom's out there how they handled their children growing up and following their dreams.  Does it get easier?

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Another Life Journey!





      I set out on a journey I never knew was going to be so amazing 19 years ago!  I gave birth to the most wonderful and amazing little girl. She was a miracle child that I was told I would never have. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with her I changed my life.  I stopped working as a bartender.  Stayed home, quit drinking and then went back to church.  I then returned to college and got my degree.  I lived my life focused on this precious child. I never saw the future of this precious baby. In my mind she would stay my little girl forever.
     Fast forward nineteen years to last week.  I stood on a curb with this beautiful child hugging her and handing her suitcases. She was leaving me for 18 months.  We embraced.  My heart was breaking and she has the biggest smile on her face.  She was leaving her young 19 year old life behind to serve the Lord for 18 months. As a mother I am more than proud of her.  Also, as a mother I miss her more than words can ever say. I really am not ready to let her go and here I sit and she is gone. She is thousands of miles away
and I can only write her letters and emails.  It is super tough but then again I know it is what the Lord has planned for her.
     I am not going to lie the events of this past week have totally shook me up.  I think of the runners in the Boston Marathon who had loved ones waiting for them at the finish line .  Children who they will never hug again.  I couldn't imagine the pain and hurt they must feel. I am blessed I will hold her again.  My heart is so broken for all the injured and hurting in Boston.  I will never understand why our world has to have so much evil in it. I wish it didn't exist.  I know there has to be evil to have good. There has to be dark to have light!  But man does it have to hurt so many people?  It is times like this that we must look for the good in the world. Continue to look for the glimpses of humanity and kindness.  They are all around us . Sometimes it is harder for us to see them. In these moments I challenge you to be the light in the world.  Be the human who will do for another a selfless act of kindness.
     Saying goodbye to a child is the hardest thing I have ever done.


Thursday, March 28, 2013

Joy in the Moment

     What do you do in your life to find joy? Do you dance, sing, play an instrument, go for a walk? Are you spending your life waiting to be happy? Are you saying to yourself " I'll be happy when we buy our house", or "I'll be happy when I graduate college" or " When I retire then I can really enjoy my life,"  It seems like a lot of us plan on being happy tomorrow or in the future. What about now?
     Unfortunately, tomorrow is never guranteed. Do you really want to live your life waiting to be happy and to find joy later only to find out your too late?  I want you to watch this video up above a few times. Watch a different person each time. There are adults, children and even missionaries living in the moment. What you don't realize is it took me three weeks to convince them this would be fun. I did a lesson on finding joy and this went along with it.  Immediately after we did this they all wanted to see the video. It was posted on Youtube and Facebook. The kids who didn't really want to do it where happy they did and where smiling.
 Earlier when I asked what they did today to find joy none of them could answer me.  Joy is a super simple concept.  What is something simple you can do to make your self smile each day?  My joy wont necessarily be your joy.  It doesnt have to be a big and elaborate thing. I find joy in music, bubble baths, pets, my kids, sunsets, good deeds, and so many more things.
     I want to challenge you to try to find joy in your life again.  Don't wait till tomorrow. Live your life for you now and find Joy in the Moment!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Bad to Compare!

    I hope everyone is having an enjoyable Sunday!  I have had a week full of lots of ups and downs.  It has really had me reflecting on alot of things.  I was having a tough week and doing alot of comparing to others.  I know I'm a Mom and I warn my kids against this.  However, I am human.  You know how the neighbor always appears to have  a happier marriage, better business, better kids, nicer car , nicer furniture , the list can go on and on when you get stuck comparing.  Well I was having one of those days.  I was so down I felt so depressed and upset.  When was it going to be my turn to be happy, to be well off and not have to worry about finances, to have all my kids could ever want or need, to go on a vacation and live it up?  When me?
      I confided in a dear friend about my feelings.  I was so upset, frustrated and she suggested I watch something on Netflix.  She said it was a little corny  but well worth it.  It was a show called "The Secret"!  Let me tell you something, it was stuff I already knew and used to do in my life.  Somewhere along the way  forgot about me.  My happiness, what made me happy, and what it was I really wanted out of life.
        Do you know what my greatest desire has always been? To be a part of a REAL family.  I always felt like an outsider in the families I was a part of.  There was a Mom and a Dad one usually was a stepparent and I was someone's step kid.  I wanted to be loved just for me.  Not for what they wanted me to be or act.  I just wanted someone to love the clumsy, crazy, silly kid that I was.  I honestly searched for this.  I longed for this.  In my 20s I sought the wrong kind of people to help me feel good.  I looked everywhere for the love and affection that I couldn't even give myself.  I compared myself to others.  Their families loved them. They spent lots of holidays and Sundays together.  Mine was never an easy interaction like theirs.  I always begged to be loved not judged.
        Now in my 40s I reflect on this life I had.  I sat comparing myself and then watched that show and it was like a slap in the face.  I looked around the living room and you know what I saw?  6 beautiful kids, a husband and myself, two dogs and two cats.  I home is far from perfect at the moment as we are waiting to move into our dream home but its a FAMILY!  I was sitting living my dream and never realized it.  All those nights I cried myself to sleep as a child just wishing I had a real family that loved me... My dreams had come true.
        Tonight I had another eye opener.  I have told you about us being foster parents.  Some of my kids now came to me through foster care and then adoption.  Well some of my kids are still out in the world. I had many teens go through our doors and take a peace of my heart with them when they left.  I got to talk to two of these young men tonight.  They still call me Mama, told me they loved me and missed me.  They also wish they would of been with me longer and when they where younger.  These two boys are as different as night and day.  They are of different races, where in different gangs and from different parts of the hood.  God brought us together but our hearts made us all part of a family.  There is no blood relation between us but they are my sons!  I have quite a few lost sons in the world who I think of all the time.  I hope I was able to give the memory of a happy family and home.  I hope they hold it dear in their heart and will someday be that family they dream of for their children.
        My entire point in this post is to take a moment and look around you.  Do not look and compare your life to someone elses.  There is no comparrison.  Yours is honestly much better than theirs.  Do you know why?  It is your dream personified.  All your hopes and dreams you are living on a daily basis.  Comparing will only bring you down but living your dream and being happy in what you have will give you happiness beyond measure.  Your family I'm sure is not perfect, I know of none that are truly as perfect as we perceive them.  However, it is your family.  It is the family that you have created with the help of someone very special weather that be a partner, spouse, child, friend or roommate.  Families are not always blood. A house is just a house a home is where you hang your heart.  Hang your heart and love what you have created and have a wonderful week.

Monday, February 18, 2013

You are Beautiful!

     You are beautiful!  I know those few simple words can put a smile on my face!  My husband tries to tell me that everyday and I just shrug and say " nope, I'm old and fat honey"  He tells me I'm still beautiful in his eyes.  How many of us have someone tell us we are beautiful and don't stop and listen?  How many times do we do exactly what I do and say no I'm not because...?  I do it all the time.  All of us deserve to hear that we are beautiful.  However, we need to listen and hear it.  Not come back with why we think we are not beautiful.
      Whose perception of beautiful do we want to truly have?  Heavenly Father loves each of us divinely just as we are. He created us in his image.  That has to be beautiful right?  I know his love is beautiful and his spirit so I'm sure his beauty is unimaginable. When we make justifications for us not being beautiful we are saying he isn't beautiful, after all  he created us in his image.  Ok are you really hearing me?  Please listen to me with your heart.
      When you truly know your beautiful you will learn to love yourself .  You are a beautiful person inside and out.  The Lord created you for a very special purpose.  Think about it like this; you are so and so's daughter, wife, mother, friend, boss, worker, and so on.  You are the only one who could fill this role in this world.  I have my own role to fill in the Lords world and could never fill yours.  We are all here to fulfill a certain purpose for him.  I myself have spent so many years trying to figure out my role here on earth.  I am 46 years old and finally have part of it figured out.
       I grew up with being told by so many that I was ugly, worthless and would never amount to anything in life.  I constantly would be mad and upset and feel ugly.  I however would get so angry and tell myself I was going to prove them wrong.  I finally have after all these years.  I am a beautiful mother to 8 beautiful souls.  I also am a Mama to so many more kids that I fostered and have loved in my home and community.  I do not have the perfect body but I now know that is okay because I have the perfect heart.  I can love with a pure heart.  I have learned to look past the heartaches and hug my child with in.  By doing this I am now able to love unconditionally.  The Lord knew I was the only person who could understand some of the kids he put in my life.  He also knew they where the only kids that could touch my heart and help me to see and find my heart and my purpose.  I no longer foster anymore but am still in contact with many of my kids.  I will always love them and be their Mama Cole.
      All of my experiences in life have helped me to see my own beautiful.  I am a mother, a wife and a beautiful daughter of our Heavenly Father.  What about you?
   

Saturday, February 9, 2013

My Journey

My Journey
      When I first ventured on my journey I did not realize what lie ahead. Honestly, do we ever really understand what will result in the choices we make?  I never thought in a million years that a simple choice I made could result in so many life altering things. I choose to sell a simple product with a simple company right?  Well that is what I thought.  I joined Scentsy intending to have a cheap way to get wax.  I loved candles but hated all the soot all over my walls .  A friend had a party and I ordered a warmer and three waxes.  It was honestly heaven when I got the warmer home and turned it on.  My first wax was banana nut bread.  My downstairs quickly filled with this wonderful aroma!  My kids loved it also.  I began to save the money I normally spent on candles which was about 25 dollars.  I figured I would do this and buy the starter kit myself.  I did this and began my journey.  I had a fantastic launch party and was on my way.
        Shortly afterward I went to a mini convention called Spring Sprint.  I quickly met and saw a ton of people selling Scentsy . Spring Sprint taught me so much about the products I was selling and the people behind them.  I learned different ideas on how to run my business!  I began to get super excited about all the new things Scentsy was offering.
        I want you to look at the path above.  Like life it is winding, and crack and even goes up hill at some point.  That is how my journey has been. My team grew to four of us.  Life was cruising along and then we decided to move.  Not just any move.  We moved 1000 miles away.                                                                                                                                                                         I now was in a town where I knew noone.  It also appeared noone really wanted to know about Scentsy.  I didnt care, I would head out most of my days armed with catalogs, testers and cards.  I lent warmers out and sprayed room sprays everywhere I could. I began to get small orders here and there.
      I began to get discouraged. The cracks in my personal sidewalk where getting bigger and at times I felt like I was going to be swallowed up.
       Then one day our Director asked us what we wanted our business to do for us. She wanted us to make a dream board. I really had no dreams. I realized in that moment I had lost myself the last few years.  I had dreams for my kids, for my husband and even for my family.  My dreams where all for them. What did I dream of for me?  Honestly, nothing.  I cried like a baby.  I had given up my dreams so many years ago.  I was now given permission to dream again.  Honestly, it wasnt much that I dreamed of.  Just to be able to buy myself a new outfit from time to time.
        In my journey I also met some wonderful friends.  I am on facebook often and talk to people all over the world.  I began to reach out to them and tell them about Scentsy.  To my amazement it worked!  I started to sell more and more each month.  I gained new friends and we where having so much fun getting to know eachother.
        I have been blessed now with a team that in a short year has exploded.  I have received numerous promotions.I make decent money that now is helping me to fund my daughters 18 month mission!  It has been a year now and I still love my product and my job selling it.  I now have dreams of MY own.  I now have amazing friends within the business who encourage me , lift me up and are always there if I need help.  I also have wonderful customers who are first my friends.  The middle of my path is now smooth .  I still have a long way to go.  I have learned to take one step at a time and if the journey is cracked, crooked or uphill , I will embrace it.  I have an army of Scentsy Sisters who will push me up the hill if I need to. I have the self confidence to fall down and get back up. You know what makes this journey totally worthwhile?  I am my own boss and own my own business!  I run it when and how I want!  I am so thankful for this journey and all it is helping me to become.
     

Monday, January 28, 2013

A Girl On a Mission!


      There is this girl I know. Her name is Alyssa Cole and she is totally amazing.  She has always been amazing.  Yes, I am a little biased you see I am her Mama.  She is my first natural born child and one of 8!  She has always been a girl on a mission.  Anything she has set out to accomplish in her life she has done. When she was 3 she wanted to be a ballerina.  She is a ballerina, tapper, clogger, lyrical dancer , hip hopper and I am sure I have forgotten one of her styles.  Oh yes, a tapperina too.  She has danced since she was 3 , she is now 19.  She wanted to be a cheerleader; done it, wanted to be a poet; she has had five poems published.  You see there really hasn't been anything she hasn't wanted to do that she hasn't done.  Well you see this letter in her hand?  You got it another dream.  You see she always wanted to be a missionary for our church.  Up until October of 2012 you had to be 21 to be a female missionary in our church.  I always told her you never know honey you may be married by then.  She would say ; but I do know I want to Mom.  This past summer she went on a mini mission for two weeks. This confirmed  in her heart even deeper that she did definitely want to go on a mission.  I told her if it is meant to be it will happen.  She began to plan her college education and finished up her papers to go to BYU and major in Dance Education.  Her dream is to be a dance teacher.  Her papers where finished and submitted a week before a huge announcement was to be revealed by our church.  Alyssa is 19 years old and our church announced on October 6, 2012 that the mission age will be lowered for women from 21 to 19 years old.  My husband and I where on a flight and in the air at the time of the announcement.  When I landed in Denver my cell phone began to go off.  Alyssa was texting me telling me she was going on a mission.  I was at a loss.  "Sure when your 21 if your not married"' I replied. She sent me back "I can go now MOM they just announced 19 year olds can go!"  I was kind of confused then she called me and explained. I was in shock, happy and proud all at once.  Then the thought, wait, we where just talking college and now have to pay for a mission?  How is this going to happen?  We are going to have to figure this out.  I thought we had at least 3 more years if she wasn't married by then.  Honestly, I have a very sweet and beautiful daughter so I figured she for sure would be married.   We returned home and Alyssa did all her preparing she needed to do and submitted her papers.  Then just 11 days later this letter came!  Would you like to see where she is going?  I was so worried about this too.  She will be gone for 18 months serving the Lord. I was worried about her going abroad to a foreign country.  So was she.  I was praying it wouldn't be a big city.  She is a bit of a country girl and I was hoping that she would be somewhere country and safe.  We all had different ideas of where she might be called.  Never did we think of this place.  We did joke about it.  Well here let me let you watch it yourself.  It is a little long , feel free to cut it off where you like and come back.  
  Amazing!!  Everett, Washington!!  In the states and the furthest away from home(Florida) without going into foreign soil.  Did you hear her talk about Edward?  I honestly giggled!  She is excited and ready to report on April 10th.  Her Daddy and I could not be happier.  She is working hard at studying and preparing herself to share the Lords message to all those she meets. She is putting all her worldy things on the back burner and that includes her dancing, regular music, dating, t.v, internet and all those things.  Her primary focus for 18 months is helping others hear the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I as a Mom am so proud of her.  I will miss her terribly and it will be hard for me not to see her for 18 months.  I do know the blessings will be great for her and our family.  I am so proud to watch my little girl on her mission.  I cant wait to hear all the stories and see all the pictures of her experiences in Washington State.  I pray that this lil Florida girl stays warm and that the people of Washington take good care of her.  So, if you see my little girl give her a hug from her Mama  and take just a moment to listen to what she has to tell you.  After all she put her life on hold to go on a mission to be able to share the Lords message with you! 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Ive so much to be thankful for!

On December 19th my world came to a spinning hault.  My husband had been suffering from a horrible headache for 11 days. He came home from taking my son to his early morning seminary class and asked me to take him to the er. You must understand, since my husband had a previous brain tumor he very rarely if ever goes to the doctor. I knew it must be serious.   We arrived at our small town er and there where a ton of people and kids everywhere. Someone had hit a school bus. My husband is a large man and was on the verge of passing out. Luckily, they listened to me and moved him immediately to a bed. They assessed him right away hooked him up to a heart monitor and his blood pressure was 247/114.  The doctors put an immediate request to have him transferred to a larger hospital in Gainnesville.  His blood pressure was at stroke level and his head was killing him.   He had me call his family up north, our 19 year old daughter was coming home and getting ready to board her plane, I had 5 other kids at home and was very worried about my husband.   I called our Bishop and he came with another Brother and gave him a blessing.  Bob,was looking worse when the squad came to transfer him . He was pale, sweaty and clammy. I kissed him goodbye and told him I loved him. I was terrified.  I had to run home and grab some things, check on the kids and gas up for the 2 hr. drive.  What was I gonna tell my kids?  The first thing they asked was if he was ok. I didn't know, I just told them to pray and he would be ok , he was in good hands.   I called our oldest daughter who didnt know what to think.  I quickly threw stuff in a bag and headed to the freeway.  I had to ask how to get to the hospital as I have only lived here for 11 months and had only passed thru that town.   I thought I knew where the highway 75 was but nope.  I pulled over and bawled.  Here I was all alone and lost. I said a prayer called for directions and was on the way.  I had a dear fb friend call me and she prayed with me on the phone as I drove .  
       I saw an emergency sign. Hung up the phone, grabbed my bag and ran in. Remember it was a 2 hr. drive. Yes, I prayed and cried and had some awful scary things go through my mind.   I was looking around as I walked and noticed a lot of amputees and thought , Man this must be a tough town.  LOL Then, I walked over this cool carpet that had all the service insignia's on it and I thought that is great they support the armed forces.  Then I saw the Marine Corpse sign and thought wow my hubby is in great hands. He is a former Marine.  Then I saw the sign of doom  , I was at a VA hospital. I was suppose to be at Shands.  Grrrr. seriously?  I was so upset, I asked for help and luckily was right across the street. So I ran back to my truck and drove across the street.  I had no idea where to park so I found Valet parking and let them do it for me. I had to ask inside where to go and finally was reunited with my hubby. They next ordered a cat scan then we where told there was no tumor which was a huge relief.  Then they ordered a lumbar puncture to rule out meningitis. Hours later we where told he possibly had viral meningitis.  They honestly where not sure what it was.  His blood pressure was uncontrollable,he was vomiting, and his head was still killing him.  Then they told us they where going to admit him and I needed to go home and rest. It was now 11:30 at night.  We started this ordeal at 8am.   I had someone get my daughter from the airport all the way in Jacksonville.
My kids fended for themselves. Luckily, they are teens and know how to take care of each other.
     As I drove home I thought of the passed year with my hubby. He had gone back to church, we had been to the temple together again in Salt Lake City , he went to General Conference, he took the kids to the temple in Orlando, and he helped our daughter submit her papers to go on a mission!  I thanked the Lord for all he'd done to help my husband and I prayed this would not be the end of our time together here on Earth.  I also said that if it was the end I understood and would do the best I could with out him.  This is when I had an overwhelming sense of love.  I felt that he was in good hands and the Lord was in control.
      I came home and hugged my kids tight and told them how much we both loved them. I told them I knew that Heavenly Father knew of Daddy's struggles and would take care of him.   I wont bore you with the details but my husband was in the hospital till the day after Christmas.  There where two times they told us he was coming home. We where all so excited that he would be home for Christmas.  This did not happen.   On Christmas Eve they told us that he would have to stay.  I tell you a week of running back and forth, throwing food in the crock pot for the kids had taken its toll on all of us. We where all tired, the kids where fighting with each other. I had to go and pick our daughter up from work and was in town grabbing groceries when a sweet friend called me. She said she was at the house and had some Christmas cheer for the kids and I. I was upset at first as we didn't want to be a bother to anyone on Christmas eve. She was so sweet,she brought everything we did on Christmas. A movie, cd, hot chocolate, just all the little touches to make it more Christmassy!  I was so touched, she knew what we all needed. I was feeling so lost and alone and was trying so hard to be strong.  The Lord knew I needed a friend and sent her.I was so thankful she listened to the promptings of the spirit!  I then loaded all the kids up and we went to get my oldest. I popped the Christmas cd in and we all started singing carols.   Oh and did I tell you she also bought Flarp for all the kids? Yep , farting putty, it was so funny! The truck was full of giggles and singing.  I decided we where all going to go caroling to just a few people we knew. I got my oldest and to my surprise they all agreed.   I told them we had so much to be thankful for and we needed to pass along the Christmas cheer.  The friend we choose opened the door and was so shocked. It was such a wonderful true spirit of Christmas to be had as we sang to this young mother and her child. Her husband was at work as a highway patrol man so she too was alone.
     Christmas morning came and I was so lost. The kids opened their presents we called my husband and he didn't want us on the roads traveling. We played games and hung out. I tried to keep things as normal as possible. Our wonderful church family spoiled us rotten. We actually had three Christmas dinners throughout the day.  I told the kids how lucky our family was.  That we still had our Dad.  I told them the Doctors told us if he wouldn't have gone in to the hospital he would of either died or suffered a massive stroke.  As we said our prayers that night we had so much to be thankful for.  Our Christmas was so much more about the meaning of the day than about the things. I hadn't been able to finish our shopping so it was not the kids normal Christmas and they where all fine with that.
      I am so thankful that my hubby came home the day after Christmas!  I am thankful that my husband listened to the promptings and sought medical attention when he did.  I am thankful for all the small kind gestures that everyone did during our families time of need.There where so many acts of kindness showed to us.  People helped me keep my kids lives as normal as possible and allowed me to take care of my hubby! I am very thankful for all the prayers that where said for our family. There where so many little things that happened that I know without a doubt the Lord was with us all every step of the way.  I am so thankful for it all.  I love my family and my husband. I am thankful that he is home and can continue to make us giggle and smile.  I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday. Ours was far from what I wanted it to be but looking back I don't honestly think it could of been any better!