Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Behind Closed Doors!





      I have a question for you today.  Who are you behind closed doors?  Are you the same person that you portray in public?  Do you find yourself sharing a different person on social media and wish you could share what you really feel in your heart?  I totally know this feeling.  I always portray that life is great and happy .  When inside I have so many fears, anxiety and feelings of depression.  
      As a mother I feel as if I am not fulfilling my role the way I should.  That I am lacking in understanding and compassion.  As a mother of teens this is not an easy life.  As they are trying to find their own way in this world it is as though I am the enemy.  There are yelling matches, eye rolls and lots of air huffed out.  There are times I just wish we could step back to when I was their hero and could do no wrong.  
      As a wife there are times I feel so under appreciated.  It takes all I have physically to do the daily tasks.  With all of my chronic pain and health issues I can't do the simple things I used to be able to.  I feel guilty and less of a wife just because I can't scrub the bathroom or fold the laundry.
    As a business woman I feel like I am lacking also.  I am not where I feel I should be.  I haven't earned the fancy incentive trips like everyone else.  I don't have the sales I think I should have.
  Why am I sharing all this with you?  Because, it is completely normal for us to hide behind closed doors and cry and feel inadequate.  I want all of you to know this is not what the Lord wants for you.  He wants you to see yourself as he sees you.  The feeling of inadequacy does not come from him.  He wants you to rejoice in his light and share it with the world.  
     I want to challenge you to share these deep dark feelings.  Get them out.  Sometimes writing them down in a journal and purging them is an amazing help.  Then when you are done I want you to go back and rewrite these feelings into a positive light.  For example:  I wish I was a better Mother to my children, I would then write " I am doing the best I can with what I have."
  In the end I just want everyone to know that you are good enough.  No matter what your heart or your mind tells you.  Please don't ever let anyone or anything make you feel inferior.  You are a one of a kind.  There is absolutely no one in this world like you.  You were born at this time and in this place to live the life you have as only you can.  
    Thats what has been in my heart.  I will also do my best to not hide behind closed doors.
Till next time,
Cheryl

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Blessings!


   There will be times in our life that we seem to face huge mountains.  We feel like there is no way we will ever make it through.  At these exact moments our Heavenly Father is putting people and experiences in our path to help us.  Or, for us to help and encourage others.  We are to learn from our trials and tribulations.  Sometimes the lesson is very obvious and sometimes it takes us a long time before we can look back and see what the lesson was.  As I reflect back on my experience over the last 6 months, I have gained and learned sooo much.  I learned that in the face of struggles I sometimes lack faith.  But my family never does.  I feel guilty for being ill and placing burdens on my kids.  My kids however rise to the occasion to serve me .  I sometimes felt so lost and afraid.  I learned if I just let my heart be still and have faith, the Lord will never forsake  me.

    The reason I am sharing this with you is simple.  When the going gets tough you need to dig deeper and know that the Lord will never leave you or give you more than you can handle.  IF it seems like he has given you more than you can handle then it is time for you to be humbled.  Be humbled and share your trials and struggles with your family and friends.  They can handle it.  They can handle so much more than you can imagine.  There are lessons to be learned in all trials.

      Please watch this special video of Blessings by Laura Story.  It speaks right to my heart.  Please now that you are not alone in your struggles.  I am here for every single one of my friends, family and strangers if you need me.  I have big fluffy shoulders and am so thankful for all of my Blessings.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

A Big Heart!

     On December 15th I was slapped in the face with a huge dose of reality.  Actually, I was faced with my own mortality.  As a very strong willed woman I have faced so many challenges in life and hoenstly have always felt a bit invincible.  I am a survivor of sexual abuse, I am a fibromyalgia fighter, I live with chronic pain daily.  I also homeschool numerous teen kids and am a mother of special needs kids as well as a Director of an amazing rocking Scentsy Family Business!!  So, I am used to daily challenges.  I am used to aches and pains and just digging deep and keep going.  There have been times in the last year or so that I have felt well a little off.  I have felt very winded, tired and pretty swollen.  I have still traveled on business trips and just had to adjust and take some naps while traveling and also just had to rent a scooter.  All the while really feeling in the back of my mind like something wasn't quiet right.  I did know I needed to go to the doctor but I walked away from all doctors three years ago.  I was a chronic pain patient and was on a ton of pain medications as well as other meds for rhuemotoid arthritis and shots in my back for pain.  I was so tired of all the prescriptions that I quit them all when we moved from Ohio to Florida.  I honestly had felt wonderful for two years .  Then the past year was starting to feel just off.  I was trying really hard to lose weight and exercising alot in our pool and trying yoga and anything else I could do.  I was just getting soo winded.
     So, back to that day in December... I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible chest pains.  It was so severe it really scared me.  My husband works nights and it is just me and my kids at home.  I sat up and the pain was a little better.  So, I took a few deep breaths and it went away.  I then went to sleep.  I woke up a few hours later went to church but left early as I just didn't feel very good.  When we returned home I layed down for a nap and still was really tired.  I made the kids lunch.  Every time I stood up I felt very dizzy and light headed and the chest pains kept coming and going.  Well, I sat down after we ate and a few hours later the pains got worse and so did the light headed feeling.  So, I told my husband again and he told me to go to the ER.  Upon our arrival at the ER my bp was insanely high at 280-208 if I had not gone in I would of likely had a stroke.  I was rushed off to CAT scans and several tests and EKGS luckily it wasnt a heart attack.  I spent an entire week in the hospital.
      In the end I learned alot.  I learned that pain can do alot of damage to your body.  You have to listen to your body.  When I stopped treating my severe chronic pain my body reacted and it began to raise my blood pressure.  My blood pressure has been elevated for some time without me knowing it.  I also seem to have severe sleep apnea that hasn't been treated.  All of this unfortunately has done some damage to my heart.  I now have a very enlarged heart and a thickened heart wall.  I am lucky however because the arteries are not damaged and I do not have to have surgery.  I do have to totally watch my weight, take blood pressure meds, watch my salt intake and see a cardiologist as soon as possible.  Needless to say this has been a ton to take in just a few days before Christmas.
     I was released from the hospital late the evening of the 19th.  I was unable to do so many things for Christmas.  However, I was still there for my family!!  As I sat in my recliner and looked around the room at my children I was so thankful for all the things I do have.  I am so thankful for all the children the Lord has put in my life.  I do know that I was given another chance at life.  I do know I have a lot of work to do.
     I have always been told in my life that I had a big heart. Well now I really do.  I am going to live my life to the fullest every day.  I need to stop focusing on all the things that I do not have or that I have not accomplished.  I need to continue to focus on my dreams and goals.  I will reach them.  Life is all about going out and living it.
     I also want to encourage everyone reading this to please listen to your bodies.  As women we always push our selves so hard .  We often ignore so many warning signs.  We have to take care of ourselves.  If you feel something isn't right please trust your instincts and get it checked out.  If you are faced with something scary and unexpected please know that you are not alone.  There are many people walking the journey with you.  You have friends, family and a very loving Heavenly Father who is with you every step of the way.
   From my big heart to yours.  I hope you had a wonderful day!