A Big Heart!

     On December 15th I was slapped in the face with a huge dose of reality.  Actually, I was faced with my own mortality.  As a very strong willed woman I have faced so many challenges in life and hoenstly have always felt a bit invincible.  I am a survivor of sexual abuse, I am a fibromyalgia fighter, I live with chronic pain daily.  I also homeschool numerous teen kids and am a mother of special needs kids as well as a Director of an amazing rocking Scentsy Family Business!!  So, I am used to daily challenges.  I am used to aches and pains and just digging deep and keep going.  There have been times in the last year or so that I have felt well a little off.  I have felt very winded, tired and pretty swollen.  I have still traveled on business trips and just had to adjust and take some naps while traveling and also just had to rent a scooter.  All the while really feeling in the back of my mind like something wasn't quiet right.  I did know I needed to go to the doctor but I walked away from all doctors three years ago.  I was a chronic pain patient and was on a ton of pain medications as well as other meds for rhuemotoid arthritis and shots in my back for pain.  I was so tired of all the prescriptions that I quit them all when we moved from Ohio to Florida.  I honestly had felt wonderful for two years .  Then the past year was starting to feel just off.  I was trying really hard to lose weight and exercising alot in our pool and trying yoga and anything else I could do.  I was just getting soo winded.
     So, back to that day in December... I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible chest pains.  It was so severe it really scared me.  My husband works nights and it is just me and my kids at home.  I sat up and the pain was a little better.  So, I took a few deep breaths and it went away.  I then went to sleep.  I woke up a few hours later went to church but left early as I just didn't feel very good.  When we returned home I layed down for a nap and still was really tired.  I made the kids lunch.  Every time I stood up I felt very dizzy and light headed and the chest pains kept coming and going.  Well, I sat down after we ate and a few hours later the pains got worse and so did the light headed feeling.  So, I told my husband again and he told me to go to the ER.  Upon our arrival at the ER my bp was insanely high at 280-208 if I had not gone in I would of likely had a stroke.  I was rushed off to CAT scans and several tests and EKGS luckily it wasnt a heart attack.  I spent an entire week in the hospital.
      In the end I learned alot.  I learned that pain can do alot of damage to your body.  You have to listen to your body.  When I stopped treating my severe chronic pain my body reacted and it began to raise my blood pressure.  My blood pressure has been elevated for some time without me knowing it.  I also seem to have severe sleep apnea that hasn't been treated.  All of this unfortunately has done some damage to my heart.  I now have a very enlarged heart and a thickened heart wall.  I am lucky however because the arteries are not damaged and I do not have to have surgery.  I do have to totally watch my weight, take blood pressure meds, watch my salt intake and see a cardiologist as soon as possible.  Needless to say this has been a ton to take in just a few days before Christmas.
     I was released from the hospital late the evening of the 19th.  I was unable to do so many things for Christmas.  However, I was still there for my family!!  As I sat in my recliner and looked around the room at my children I was so thankful for all the things I do have.  I am so thankful for all the children the Lord has put in my life.  I do know that I was given another chance at life.  I do know I have a lot of work to do.
     I have always been told in my life that I had a big heart. Well now I really do.  I am going to live my life to the fullest every day.  I need to stop focusing on all the things that I do not have or that I have not accomplished.  I need to continue to focus on my dreams and goals.  I will reach them.  Life is all about going out and living it.
     I also want to encourage everyone reading this to please listen to your bodies.  As women we always push our selves so hard .  We often ignore so many warning signs.  We have to take care of ourselves.  If you feel something isn't right please trust your instincts and get it checked out.  If you are faced with something scary and unexpected please know that you are not alone.  There are many people walking the journey with you.  You have friends, family and a very loving Heavenly Father who is with you every step of the way.
   From my big heart to yours.  I hope you had a wonderful day!